Amman, Jordan - March 3, 2008

On Saturday morning, members of the reddit internet website woke up to the fresh and - at the time somewhat dubious - news that the Saudi Arabian ambassador had been SMS'ing all fourteen of his friends warning them to get out of the country as soon as possible, inshallah. Thousands of furious clicks later, what started as unsubstantiated rumor has developed into armed conflict the likes of which will keep the internet abuzz for at least another fifteen to twenty-five minutes.

click to enlargeNow we've seen it all from the Microsoft marketing department: New Windows potato crisps. The puns almost write themselves.

"Them must be some hot chips!"

"Windows, crunchy as a pwned n00b's ego!"

Many newcomers to this ancient and unique city find themselves initially fascinated in a somewhat morbid manner with techniques employed in driving. This paper was compiled with the express intent of easing the Cairo novice into the driver's seat, mainly through a brief discussion of some of the less orthodox strategies currently in employ in the guise of a list of pointers.

Cairo traffic jamIt is the author's hope that this list will also serve as an acceptable refresher for the grizzled veteran; carnage takes practise after all. But onwards.

Most modern schools of requirements gathering and system specification development are user driven; this can often be the death of a development project. The truth which is known to the more successful technology development outfits is this: the user is irrelevant, the user does not know what is good for the system, and the user will often try to mislead you into developing software which does something they find useful.

Why do we develop software requirements specifications?

This article is aimed at the enterprise programmer. It aims to introduce sound practises around the naming of variables, with the objective of making life more productively busy for the maintenance programmer and keeping the technical writers busy enough to hang on to their meaningless little jobs.

For the first time, the truth about the monumental cock-up that is Doomsday is revealed. Centuries of sloppy research and abysmal story telling skills converge to bring you "The Banjo Players Must Die", an account of celestial incompetence and molested rodents. Oh, and a lot of boobs.

The Banjo Players Must Die!: Book coverA new novel, Creative Commons licensed, which could have been written by fifteen monekys given about two weeks with well oiled typewriters.

Celebrate the release of my first novel, if you must, by expressing outrage and indignation that the innocent term "novel" has been sullied so.

The Economist (bloody expensive but the most consistently good read) has set up this site to ask people for help figuring out what TNBT is in content production. A lovely question which does get the grey matter going, but unfortunately the Terms of Use are draconian. As such, I prefer to post my neat proposition here.

Note that the ideas expressed in this post are free to use by all entities for any purpose (including but not limited to producing more intellectually stimulating toilet paper), with the exception of The Economist Group. The Economist Group will have acquired the right to employ ideas expressed herein when they have:

• Done an article on Richard Stallman, suggesting at some point that he has been consistently overlooked for a Nobel prize (bonus points for dissing his personal hygiene)
• Caused pandemonium by delivering printouts of the fark.com front page on a daily basis for one year to the doorstep of 10 Downing Street, with the top story headlined in a suitable gothic font with a few !!!111OMGLOLWTFBBQ tacked on at the end
• Revised the Big Mac index to a more accurate bundle (beer, rice, and gummy bears, people. Staple diet)

Read on. I am done with the silly bits in this post.

Ever wondered how you can tell modern art from other varieties? Read on: I will show you the way.

Goats in tree

• French hip hop must die
• Argan oil was a good idea until I learnt that it comes from seeds shat out by goats.
• Cigarettes defeat all notions of private property. Expect to be asked for free cigarettes. All the time, by people you don't know at all.
• Effective communication is an unnecessary prerequisite to maintaining a nation. Moroccan Arabic is completely indecipherable.
• If vegetable oil-fueled cars were pervasive, McDonald's in Morocco would be a refueling station and not a fast food restaurant. Just try the McRoyal.
• Prostate exams are free, and the Casablanca airport cops are trained specialists.
• If you ever have a need to stimulate your capability for optimism and positive thinking, Morocco is the place. Previous point is Exhibit A.
• The most common use for screwdrivers in Morocco is keeping the passenger side window in Peugeot taxis propped up. Creative application of tinfoil will also do, much to the surprise of even the tinfoil itself.
• The trains in Morocco are extremely reliable. This doesn't make any sense, which is in character.
• People can wear dull polyester suits along with garish duckbill caps at the same time without violating any law of physics. Any known law of physics.

This is priceless. From the site of The Globalization Institute comes this gem from their internship FAQ:

Should I list the United Nations as my favourite website?

We get dozens of applications from people who claim their favourite website is the United Nations. But let's face it, www.un.int is no one's favourite website. Not even Kofi Annan's. Keep it real.